A visual guide to three conflict patterns — seen through the story of Viktor and Maria from Netflix's Blue Therapy. /Imbedded Video here/ If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened illustrated guide below. Viktor and Maria Viktor and Maria have been together for seven years. From the outside, their relationship looks solid — they have a shared life, a shared history, and genuine love for each othe

Why Some Arguments Go Nowhere and What to Do Instead If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened illustrated guide below. Why Some Arguments Stay Stuck When Daisy and Jay sit down in couples therapy for the first time, the fight is already in full swing. Daisy is furious that Jay got a sleeve tattoo the day after she gave birth. Jay says there were people at the hospital helping her. She talks over

4 Questions That Can Get You Out of a Recurring Fight If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened illustrated guide below. Why this keeps happening If you and your partner have had the same argument more than a few times, it probably isn't because you don't love each other or because you're bad at communicating. It's because the conversation is stuck in a loop — and no one showed you where the exit

A visual guide to understanding where your relationship is — and what it takes to level up. If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened illustrated guide below. Why Relationship Health Is Hard to See Most couples can tell when something feels off… but it’s much harder to say what is off, or what it would take to get somewhere better. Relationship health isn’t a single thing you either have or don’t

If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened blog below. If you feel like you've been trying—really trying—and things still aren't getting better, you're not alone. A lot of the advice that circulates about conflict in relationships is well-intentioned, but it assumes that every difficult conversation is happening under the same emotional conditions. That assumption is where things break down. This

If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened illustrated guide below. Most relationships don’t suddenly become unhealthy. More often, the changes happen gradually. Tension gets handled differently. Affection  that once felt natural begins to appear less often. Because these changes are subtle and very common, couples sometimes don’t notice them until the relationship already feels strained. As a cou

If you’d like the full explanation, you can watch the YouTube video above. If reading is easier, I’ve included a shortened illustrated guide below. Many couples receive the same advice: “You just need to communicate better.” But if you’ve ever tried to talk something through while you’re upset, you may have noticed something surprising: you say things you don’t mean, your partner’s words suddenly sound harsher than intended, and a small disagreement can turn into a long, exha

As a couples therapist, I see the same patterns show up again and again in long-term relationships. Different people, different histories, and different surface issues — but underneath all of that, most couples fall into one of four distinct relationship types. And if you don’t know which one you  are, you might be trying to fix the wrong problem. In this post, I want to walk you through those four types, explain how they tend to handle conflict, and help you understand what

When You’re Suddenly Not Talking About the Same Thing Have you ever found yourself in a regular conversation with your partner, only to realize a few minutes later that you are no longer talking about the same thing, and now you are both upset? You might have started wanting to feel closer or more coordinated, and yet by the end you feel farther apart. These moments can feel confusing and disproportionate. You replay the exchange and wonder how something so small turned into

We’ve all seen relationship advice like this on Instagram. And maybe you didn’t fully believe it — but something about it lingered. In the moment, it can feel empowering. Like a form of self-respect. But what if some of this advice is actually setting you up for frustration in a long-term relationship? In this post, I’ll unpack five popular Instagram love myths and explore how they can quietly block the very connection you’re trying to build with your partner. Myth #1: “A sou

If you prefer to watch rather than read, you can watch the full video explanation here: Conflict is one of the most common reasons people seek couples counseling — and yet most of us were never taught how to do it well. Some people get louder and more urgent. Some people give in to keep the peace. Others shut down or walk away entirely. None of these responses feel good. And while they often get labeled as “communication problems,” they’re usually something else entirely.

Earlier this month, I talked with my friends Matt and Sheri on the Untoxicated podcast (you can listen to the episode here ). We covered a wide range of topics, including one of my favorite ways to explain emotional resilience: the Window of Tolerance. This is one of the first visuals I share with clients. I think it's fundamental to understanding our nervous system and why we react the way we do. As with many of my graphics, the visual helps take something complex—like emo

A friend recommended that I read Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. I was expecting another productivity book — a guide to managing my time more efficiently — or worse, a book shaming me for not getting enough done. What I found instead was a quiet, paradigm-shifting truth that turned my whole understanding of productivity on its head. Burkeman’s central message is this: we only get about four thousand weeks in an average lifetime, and no amount of efficiency will ever

The results are in from my unofficial poll: the people who love true crime are almost always anxious. And I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Is watching true crime an indication of anxiety? (Image by DC Studio on Freepik) It seems counterintuitive, right? For most people, true crime would cause  anxiety. But for the anxious mind, it often works in reverse — providing a strange sense of calm. Just as stimulants can have a calming effect on someone with ADHD, true crime can b

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This holiday season, when there is too much to do and not enough time to do it, give yourself the gift of grace. G. Generosity – Try not...