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Know Your Emotional Temperature to Make Better Decisions
- larahammock
- Sep 9
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 20
The High Cost of Emotional Reactivity
Have you ever sent an email in anger, confronted someone in frustration, or made a snap decision you later regretted? We've all been there. When upset, our emotions give us urgent commands that feel impossible to refuse. The problem is, when we reactively obey those emotional orders, we often make choices that don't serve our long-term goals.
What if we could learn to push back on the urgency of the commands so that we could simply take in the data that those emotions offer? This blog post will show you how to use your emotional temperature as a way to gather crucial data about your internal state so that you can make calm, reasoned choices rather than heated, reactive ones.
From Command to Curiosity
Emotions contain a number of things: body sensations, accompanying thoughts, and urgent behavior commands. Anger might be telling us: "Send that text! Confront her! Don't let her get away with this!"Â Fear might tell us: "Run away! Take cover!"Â And Despair might say: "Oh, never mind! What's the use? Just crawl back into bed."
Each one of these emotions has an urgent "take action" command.
But what if, instead of automatically obeying that command, we paused and got curious? What if we asked what that emotion is trying to tell us about our needs, our boundaries, or our values? What if we could use that information to understand ourselves better? If so, we might find that anger is telling us:
That person crossed an important boundary.
That decision doesn't feel fair.
I need to assert myself better.
Viewed this way, emotion gives us valuable information about ourselves. When we push back on the urgency of the command, we can engage in the situation in a way that is more likely to be effective.
Conversely, if we give into the urgency, chances are we will be making decisions when our emotional temperature is too high. And just like someone with a fever, making decisions while distressed or overwhelmed is unlikely to lead to a good outcome. In those fight/flight/freeze moments, we don't have access to the slower, logical, reasoning part of our brain. Those impulsive choices may end up making more trouble for us.
Taking Your Emotional Temperature
I use a tool with my clients called the Emotional Thermometer. It measures emotional temperature on a scale from 0 to 10. 0 is calm and relaxed, 10 is as upset as you'll ever be. There are four, color-coded zones with specific body sensations, emotions and behavioral cues. Here they are in brief:
Green Zone (level 0-2: Calm): Grounded and clear-headed. You are resourceful, able to communicate effectively, and ready for proactive decision-making.
Yellow Zone (level 3-5: Stressed): Irritated and on edge. Your resources are depleted, leading to procrastination, worry, and difficulty concentrating.
Orange Zone (level 6-8: Distressed): Overwhelmed and struggling. You may withdraw from others, snap easily, and rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms to manage intense emotions.
Red Zone (level 9-10: Overwhelmed): In crisis and unable to cope. Characterized by panic, numbness, or rage, often with intense physical symptoms and an inability to function.
Decision Tree to Wiser Choices
Once you have taken your emotional temperature, you can use the decision tree below to determine whether to make big decisions or to put off decision-making until you are more calm.
High Temperature (6-10: Distressed - Overwhelmed):
The Data: The data tells you your nervous system is in fight/flight/freeze. Your brain is not optimized for problem-solving.
The Wise Choice: The best choice is NOT to take action. Self-regulate first. Defer decision-making until you are calmer.
Tips: do some grounding, breathing exercises, and step away.
Example: "If you're at an 8 after a fight with your partner, the data says you are flooded. The wise choice isn't to continue the argument; it's to say, 'I need 20 minutes to calm down before we can continue this productively.'"
Medium Temperature (3-5: Stressed):
The Data: The data tells you you're under pressure, irritated, or slightly overwhelmed. Your resources are depleted.
The Wise Choice: Proceed with caution and self-care. Simplify decisions. Postpone high stakes decision making. Avoid adding new stressors.
Tips: take a break, hydrate, prioritize tasks.
Example: "If you're at a 4 after a long workday, the data says you're running on empty. The wise choice isn't to make decisions about a complicated project. Instead make a simple dinner and relax, saving the big decisions for the morning."
Low Temperature (0-2: Calm):
The Data: The data tells you you're grounded, clear-headed, and resourceful.
The Wise Choice: This is the ideal time for proactive decision-making, important conversations, and strategic planning. This is when you can best reflect on the emotional data you gathered at higher temperatures.
Example: "When you're at a 1 on a calm Saturday morning, that's the time to reflect on the argument you had last night (when you were at an 8) and think about how to address the core issue in a calm, reasoned way."
Putting It All Together: Practical Steps
Step 1: Pause. When you feel a strong urge to act, hit the emotional brakes.
Step 2: Take Your Temperature. Check in with yourself. What's my emotional temperature right now? (Use the PDF for assistance!)
Step 3: Choose the Response. Based on the temperature, choose the wisest next step: regulate, pause, or engage.
Step 4: Interpret the Data. What is the emotion and this level of activation trying to tell me so that I can make the best decision for myself.
Conclusion
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." – Victor Frankl
Growth and freedom come from responding rather than reacting. When we pause before acting on our emotions, we can use the emotional data to make better decisions. The emotional thermometer provides a way to determine your emotional activation level and then decide whether to engage, postpone, or regulate.Â
This skill takes practice, and the first step is simply noticing. To make it easier, download my free Emotional Thermometer worksheet. Keep it handy as your guide to pausing, assessing your temperature, and choosing your response. Get your free guide here.