The Window of Tolerance: Why It Matters and How to Widen Yours

Earlier this month, I talked with my friends Matt and Sheri on the Untoxicated podcast (you can listen to the episode here). We covered a wide range of topics, including one of my favorite ways to explain emotional resilience: the Window of Tolerance.

This is one of the first visuals I share with clients. I think it's fundamental to understanding our nervous system and why we react the way we do. As with many of my graphics, the visual helps take something complex—like emotional regulation—and makes it easier to understand.

In this post, I'll talk about what the Window of Tolerance is, why it matters, and how you can have some control over it. Let's jump in.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

Dr. Dan Siegel coined the term “Window of Tolerance” to describe the ideal zone of nervous system arousal in which we function most effectively. This is the green zone where your nervous system is steady, your brain is online, and you can think and feel at the same time.

The yellow line represents nervous system activity. In this diagram, stressful events—traffic, conflict, hard news, sick kids—may bump your nervous system up or down, but you remain within the green window. That means you’re grounded enough to pause, think, and respond rather than impulsively reacting.

Hyper-Arousal: Amped Up & Reactive

Sometimes a threat (real or perceived) or even a series of stressors pushes you above your window into the red zone. You’re in hyper-arousal—your nervous system is stuck on “go,” scanning for danger.

Signs of hyper-arousal include:

• Feeling anxious or amped up

• Racing thoughts

• Anger or irritability

• Poor sleep

In hyper-arousal, your body is in fight-or-flight mode. It's focused on survival, not measured decision-making. Some people get stuck up here and struggle to settle back into the Window of Tolerance.

Hypo-Arousal: Shut Down & Numb

Other times—either because you’re predisposed to this response or because you’ve spent too long in hyper-arousal—your nervous system drops into hypo-arousal, the freeze state.

Signs of hypo-arousal include:

• Feeling disconnected or depressed

• Sluggishness or numbness

• Emotional flatness

• Trouble thinking or caring

This is also protective. It’s your nervous system’s way of saying, “This is too much.” But it makes it hard to function. And importantly, freeze does not feel relaxed. If hyper-arousal is pedal-to-the-metal, freeze is like pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time. Many people get stuck down here and find it difficult to come back up into the window.

Nervous System Order of Operations (OoO)

When faced with stress or danger, your body follows a predictable pattern:

• Connect (still inside the window)

• Fight or flight (hyper-arousal)

• Freeze (hypo-arousal)

Some people skip steps. If, in your family of origin, attempts to seek connection were ignored, criticized, or shamed, you may have learned to bypass connection altogether. If loud, intense emotions weren’t tolerated growing up, you might skip hyper-arousal and drop straight into shutdown.

A very common pattern is bouncing back and forth between hyper- and hypo-arousal—your nervous system’s failed attempts to make its way back into the window.

Why It’s Harder for Some People to Stay Inside the Window

Your Window of Tolerance can shift daily—or even minute by minute. Some people naturally have a wide window. Others have an incredibly narrow one. With a narrow window, everyday stressors can routinely push you into hyper- or hypo-arousal.

Common reasons for a narrow window include:

• Trauma or chronic stress

• Sleep deprivation

• Internalized shame or hypervigilance

• Chronic illness or pain

• Substance use or misuse

• Nervous system sensitivity or inflammation

• Attachment wounds and relational history

You can’t control all of these factors—but you can support your nervous system in meaningful ways.

You Can Expand Your Window of Tolerance

One of the most rewarding parts of this work is watching people learn to tolerate their feelings, recover faster from stress, and stay present even during conflict or chaos.

A wider window creates space for:

• Healthier relationships

• Better decisions

• More assertive communication

• Emotional resilience

• More joy, creativity, and balance

And while the process takes time, I’ve developed a simple acronym that highlights the five most powerful daily practices for widening your window: WIDEN.

Want to Learn How to WIDEN Your Window?

I’ve turned my WIDEN acronym into an illustrated one-page handout you can download for free. It’s simple, practical, and designed to help you stay in your resilience zone more often.

👉 Download the WIDEN Your Window PDF Here (Perfect for personal use or to share with clients)

Whether you’re just learning to work with your nervous system or you’ve been doing this for years, you can always take steps to widen your Window of Tolerance.

Your body wants to regulate. Sometimes it just needs a little help.

P.S. If you’d like to hear me unpack this with Matt and Sheri on the Untoxicated podcast, you can listen to the episode here.

P.P.S. My illustrated tools and metaphors are designed to make therapy more visual, memorable, and actionable — for both clients and clinicians. Explore my growing library or join the waitlist for my Therapist Consultation Group launching soon.