We all have a bucket of energy. It's our job and responsibility to keep our bucket full! Having a full bucket of energy means that we are healthy and can engage in the world and in relationships in an effective and nourishing way.
If our energy bucket is only half full, we can tell -- because that's when we start to feel burnt out.
And when our energy bucket is empty, bad things start to happen. Our mental and physical health declines (anxiety and depression), our functioning in relationships and in other areas starts to decrease (chaos or rigidity), and we take up unhealthy coping strategies like isolation or addictions.
There are two ways to keep your energy bucket full. You can manage your inflows -- or add more energy to your bucket -- or manage outflows -- meaning that you spend less energy.
Add More Energy
So, how do you add more energy? You do things that fill you up! These are different for everyone. To determine what gives you energy, pay attention to how you feel afterwards. Do you feel energized and full or do you feel tired and depleted? Some common energy adders are meditation, sleeping, being in nature, practicing religious rituals, socializing, eating nourishing food, taking care of your health, giving to others, being creative, relaxing, exercising, etc. It's important to be in tune with yourself to know what activities fill your bucket.
Spend Less Energy
How do you spend less energy? You have to adjust your spigots. The image above shows just two energy spigots, but imagine you have a hundred of these around the bottom of your bucket. Each spigot represents a person or pursuit that is receiving your energy.
What does that mean? What are the pieces of our energy? What are these energy resources that we are spending?
Here's a helpful acronym that describes our energy resources -- P. A. I. L. Giving of these resources is how we spend our energy:
P. Physical Presence. It takes energy just to show up. You give your physical presence to your workplace, your family, your community, etc.
A. Attention. We may be there physically, but it takes additional energy to actually pay attention. You can show up, but your attention can be elsewhere if you are on your phone or distracted. Giving your undivided attention takes energy.
I. Information. This refers to your personal details -- meaning what you are thinking, wanting, fearing, etc. Sharing this information with someone else is a way that we give our energy. And on this note -- NOT sharing takes even more energy. If we have to hide parts of ourselves and filter out what we can say or share, that burns through a lot of energy. And finally,
L. Labor. This is a catch all for all of the other work we do to that takes energy and effort. Organizing, thinking ahead, cooking for, making phone calls, working, sending gifts, coordinating -- basically anything that you do that takes effort.
You'll notice that I did not list Love or Trust as energy resources. That's because they aren't. They are emotions that are learned over time and with experience. You can't choose to give your love the way you can choose to give your attention or labor. Love develops over time and with experience. The same thing applies with Trust.
Sometimes the energy balances out! The people and pursuits that receive your energy also fill you up.
But many times it is not balanced and you are paying out a lot of energy for very little in return. And remember, this is not totally transactional. Sometimes you give to others and, because that is aligned with your values, it fills you up without you receiving anything directly from them.
With some people or pursuits, not only is it unbalanced, it feels like they are taking a ladle and scooping energy out of the top of your bucket without your permission.
It is your job to keep your energy bucket full by managing your inflows and outflows.
Tightening your spigots means that you are choosing to reduce the energy you spend on someone or something. Another way to say this is that you are setting boundaries. This process is not always easy and can frequently come with backlash in the form of anger or guilt trips.
It is also the only way you can ensure that your bucket is full enough to properly take care of yourself so that you don't end up depleted and sick. Keeping your bucket full is how you can love yourself and others at the same time!
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