Despite the title of this blog, I'm not a big fan of the word "triggered." I think it can be useful, but it has this sense of going from zero to 80. You're fine one moment and then you're "triggered" the next moment - like a light switch -- on or off, up or down. And that CAN certainly happen, but I actually prefer the word activated -- or emotionally activated -- as it gives a better sense of being somewhere on a sliding scale of emotional reactivity. So, you can be a 3 out of 10 for example -- you don't always have to be a 10 out of 10 in intensity. So, I'm going to use the term "activated" going forward.
There are lots of ways to tell that you are activated, but this acronym gives you a way to spot activation in yourself and others by noticing your thinking style. I have acronyms for everything -- mostly because I have a terrible memory and it helps me to remember things. But this one is not just a good mnemonic device, it is also meaningful in and of itself. The acronym is FUSE thinking. So, once you are activated, the FUSE on your thinking gets lit and your thinking looks like this:
F - stands for Fixated. We get really constricted and narrow and focused in our thinking. Our perspective tightens into paying attention very singularly to one topic and one way of seeing things. We get fixated, tunnel vision, everything else drops out of view. It's very hard to zoom out and see context, circumstances, or other perspectives since our attention is so fixated and narrow.
U - stands for Urgent. We all have certain behaviors that we default to when under threat. Some of us want to talk and convince, others want to run away and hide or reject, still others want to cling and do more to make everything okay. The impulse to behave in those ways gets VERY strong and it feels like we really need to act urgently. Like if we don't do this right away, something bad will happen. Take a second to think about what your behavior impulse is when your FUSE is lit.
S - stands for Simple. Not only are we super focused and constricted in what we are thinking about, the way we think about that topic also gets simplified. Instead of seeing things in a complex, nuanced way, we establish 2 categorical buckets and start dumping things into them. And mostly those buckets are judgmental -- that is good or that is bad. This is Black or this is white. Right or wrong. Moral or immoral. If the words "always" or "never" are coming up, it’s a good indication that you are thinking in a simplified, categorical way.
E - stands for Extreme. Extreme number of thoughts, extreme intensity of thoughts, extreme frequency of thinking about it and extreme speed of thinking. All of these extremes are an indication that you are engaging in FUSE thinking. The rate at which you jump from conclusion to conclusion is rapid, the number of thoughts is overwhelming, and the intensity of thinking and feeling is high. This could look like ranting, self hatred, an anxiety spiral, rumination, or obsessive thinking. When every conversation seems to steer back to this topic — that’s when you know your thinking has gotten extreme.
Does this all sound familiar to you? Of course! We all do this -- some of us more frequently and more intensely than others. So
Why is this important?
The thing about being emotionally activated is that you don't always know that you are. In fact, some people walk around in a perpetual state of reactivity and are always in FUSE thinking without having any sense that they are emotionally activated. That would all be fine EXCEPT for the fact that we often behave in ways that don't serve us -- or the people around us -- when we are activated. We might snap at the cashier in the grocery store. Apologize way too much at work. Or drink alcohol or use substances to help us numb out or to feel better. Already you can tell, that by activated, I don't just mean mad. It could be emotionally uncomfortable, scared, frustrated, sad, disgusted, anxious, or angry. Each of these emotions drives a different style of behavior, and because of the urgency, those actions are usually not well thought out in advance.
Notice with Self
So, let's say you've identified that you don't want to snap at your kids anymore. You want to respond in a better, more mature way. In order to stop this behavior, we need to know WHEN we are emotionally activated so that we can push space between feeling and behaving and hopefully make a different decision. There are many ways that you might be able to notice that you are activated. For example, I can feel my whole body -- particularly my hands and forearms -- tense up. But most reliably, if I’m using FUSE thinking, I know I’m activated. As soon as I hear myself internally use the words "Always" or "Never" or I can feel massive urgency to confront or get reassurance - or any of the other cues -- I know I'm activated and I'm probably NOT going to make good decisions for myself in this state.
Notice with Others
The other great thing is that, by looking for FUSE thinking, you can tell when other people are activated – your partner, your friend, your coworker. You want to listen for urgency, laser focus, extreme intensity, or black and while thinking with wording like "always" and "never." If you notice your partner, friend or colleague is using this language or is extremely intense, you have a better sense of how reactive and activated they are. And you know what? You can do yourselves both a big favor by saving that heated discussion for a different time or, even better, trying to figure out what activated them. Either way, start to look for it -- it's everywhere. People are emotionally disregulated and don't even know it. But if you are able to identify it in yourself and others -- you can slow yourself down and side step a lot of messy conversations.
So, now that we've identified that we are activated, what do we do about it? Join me in my next blog where we'll talk about how to de-FUSE your thinking. Comments are always appreciated and thanks for reading.
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